Most of us have had moments where something or someone irritated us. Maybe not enough to start a fight, but enough that we needed a little time to process it.
So we stay quiet.
Not because we don't care.
Not because we're giving the silent treatment.
But because we're trying to calm ourselves down before we say something we'll regret.
Unfortunately, some people mistake silence for an invitation.
They keep asking. They keep pushing.
"What's wrong?"
"Are you mad?"
"Just tell me."
"You're always mad good for no reason."
You politely say, "I don't want to argue." But they don't stop.
Eventually, they push one button too many.
Then you finally react.
Suddenly, you're the problem.
They remember your reaction...
Not the twenty minutes they spent ignoring your request for space.
Here's My Story
The other day was like any other day. Only this time, my partner wanted me to bring him some goodies, to his job, to share with his coworkers.
I was slightly irritated, but let it go. It was just one time, right?
We talked, later that night, about the amount of goodies we were going through a week and how much it was costing us.
We were going to slow down. Or so I thought.
I even said "don't make this a regular thing."
We were trying to save money for things needed around the house and other things.
A second car. Furniture. Clothes. Knick snacks. A possible vacation.
The next day, same thing.
So, I took him some goodies anyways.
I didn't want to argue about it, with him being at work. But when I arrived, he saw that I was not happy about this.
We had just discussed this, t he night before.
And when I voiced that to him, he said something along the lines of "I didn't say that. I don't mind how much we go through."
He twists things to fit his narrative or what he wants to do.
Then later, when I picked him up from work, he notices that I'm still irritated over the issue.
But I was quiet. And instead of just giving me space, he starts an argument about it.
Even when I said we need it for bills, he said I was supposed to take care of it. But how can I when he's spending more than the norm?
But even when I told him multiple times that I don't wanna agrue, he keeps going.
Of course, that pissed me off more.
And instead of trying to understand what I was telling him...that bills and house should be top priority...he expects me to handle all the bills with the limited money he gives me, along with our habits.
That's not right.
Granted, he recently got a new job that pays more. But, we can't save money if he's spending more than normal.
Why am I so mad over something this small?
From the outside, it probably seems like I'm upset over goodies.
I'm not.
I'm upset because we made a plan together, and it felt like that plan no longer mattered. I'm upset because our priorities suddenly changed without a conversation. And I'm upset because instead of trying to understand why I was frustrated, the focus became my reaction instead of the reason behind it.
Sometimes the argument isn't really about what's on the surface.
It's about feeling unheard.
It's about broken agreements.
It's about respect.
It's about wanting your partner to stop long enough to ask, 'Help me understand.'
Conflict isn't always unavoidable.
Sometimes it's created by refusing to listen when someone is asking for peace.
Until We Speak Again,
A Exhausted Soul
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Leave a comment with your thoughts below. Do you avoid conflicts because you're misunderstood? Need a place to vent? Let's talk!
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