Consideration

I think one of the most overlooked qualities in a relationship is consideration.

People talk about love. They talk about trust.

They talk about communication. But consideration is rarely mentioned, even though it's woven into all three.

So what is consideration?

To me, consideration is taking your partner's feelings, needs, limitations, and circumstances into account before making a decision or taking an action.

It's asking yourself:

"How will this affect the person I love?"

And sometimes, the smallest acts of consideration can make the biggest difference.

It's keeping the house quiet when your partner is sleeping because you know they had a long day. It's understanding that their need for rest is just as important as your desire to be awake.

It's discussing major purchases before spending large amounts of money.

Not because you need permission, but because you're a team. Your decisions affect each other.

It's not pressuring your partner to do things they're unable to do—whether physically, emotionally, financially, or mentally.

It's respecting their limitations without making them feel guilty for having them.

It's avoiding topics you know will upset them unnecessarily. 

It's paying attention when they tell you something hurts them. It's remembering what they've shared and using that information to care for them better.

Consideration says:

"I hear you."

"I see you."

"You matter to me."

The opposite of consideration isn't necessarily cruelty. 

Sometimes it's simply thoughtlessness. Sometimes people become so focused on their own wants, needs, and interests that they forget to consider how their actions affect the person standing beside them.

And that's where problems begin.

Because when someone repeatedly feels unconsidered, they begin to feel unimportant.

They begin to feel unheard. They begin to feel like their comfort, opinions, and feelings rank lower on the priority list. 

Over time, resentment starts to grow. Not because of one major event. But because of hundreds of small moments.

The loud television while they're trying to sleep. The purchase they weren't consulted about. The interrupted conversations. The repeated disregard for something they've clearly expressed.

Each moment may seem insignificant by itself. But together, they send a message.

And that message is:

"What matters to you doesn't matter as much to me."

That's a painful message to receive from someone you love.

The truth is, consideration isn't difficult.

It doesn't cost money. It doesn't require special skills.

It simply requires awareness. It requires slowing down long enough to think about another person's experience.

And honestly, I think that's one of the purest expressions of love.

Not flowers.

Not gifts.

Not fancy dates.

Just consistently showing your partner that their feelings matter.

Because when two people actively consider one another, they create something beautiful:

A relationship where both people feel valued.

A relationship where both people feel respected. A relationship where both people feel loved.

And at the end of the day, isn't that what we're all looking for? 

Until We Speak Again, 

A Thoughtful Soul

If my writing has encouraged you, helped you feel less alone, or simply brightened your day, please consider supporting my work.

https://buymeacoffee.com/echoesbyk

Leave a comment below. What are your thoughts on consideration? Do you feel like it's important?  Let's talk!

Gaslighting

When You Start Questioning Your Own Reality

One of the most damaging things a person can experience in a relationship isn't yelling.

It isn't cheating. It isn't even the arguments.

It's being made to question your own reality.

That's gaslighting.

Gaslighting happens when someone repeatedly dismisses, minimizes, denies, or twists your experiences until you begin doubting yourself.

At first, it's subtle.

You bring up something that hurt your feelings. They tell you it never happened. Or they say you're remembering it wrong. Or maybe they tell you you're being too sensitive.

You let it go.

But then it happens again. And again. And again.

Eventually, something strange starts happening.

You stop trusting yourself. You begin second-guessing your memory.

You replay conversations in your head over and over trying to figure out whether you misunderstood something. You wonder if you're overreacting. You wonder if you're the problem. You wonder if you're crazy.

The worst part is that gaslighting doesn't usually destroy your confidence overnight.

It happens slowly. One doubt at a time. One dismissed feeling at a time. One rewritten conversation at a time. 

Until eventually you find yourself apologizing for things you didn't do. Explaining feelings you shouldn't have to justify. And questioning things you were once certain of.

I've learned that one of the biggest signs of gaslighting isn't confusion about the other person. It's confusion about yourself.

When you find yourself constantly thinking:

"Maybe I'm imagining things."

"Maybe it wasn't that bad."

"Maybe I'm too emotional."

"Maybe I'm the problem."

That's when it's time to stop and pay attention.

Healthy relationships don't make you question your sanity. Healthy relationships don't require you to constantly defend your emotions. Healthy relationships don't punish you for having feelings.

That doesn't mean your partner will always agree with you. They won't. And that's okay.

Disagreements are normal. Different perspectives are normal.

But there's a difference between disagreeing with someone's feelings and convincing them they shouldn't have those feelings at all.

One is communication. The other is manipulation.

The sad thing about gaslighting is that many people don't realize it's happening until they've already lost confidence in themselves.

They've spent so much time seeking validation from someone else that they've forgotten how to trust their own instincts. Their own memories. Their own emotions. Their own voice.

If any of this sounds familiar, I want you to remember something:

Your feelings are real. Your experiences matter. Your perspective deserves to be heard. And just because someone refuses to acknowledge your reality doesn't mean your reality isn't true.

One of the most important lessons I've learned is this:

Trust yourself.

Not every feeling is a fact.

Not every memory is perfect.

But if someone consistently makes you feel like your thoughts, feelings, and experiences don't matter, the problem may not be your perception.

The problem may be the way you're being treated.

And nobody deserves to live in a relationship where they have to constantly question their own reality.

Until We Speak Again,

A Confused Soul

If my writing has encouraged you, helped you feel less alone, or simply brightened your day, please consider supporting my work.

https://buymeacoffee.com/echoesbyk

Leave a comment below. Do you feel like you're being gaslit by someone? A spouse or partner? A friend? Your boss? A family member? Let's talk about it.

Wanted VS Needed

Being Wanted VS Being Needed

I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between being needed and being wanted.

People act like they’re the same thing, like they both mean you matter to someone. But they don’t feel the same at all.

Being needed feels like responsibility. Like someone depends on you to hold something together—emotionally, financially, or just to function in their life. And at first, that can feel like love. Like purpose. Like you finally have a place where you matter.

But I’ve noticed something about “being needed.” It’s conditional. It depends on what you provide. What you fix. What you carry for someone else.

And when that need starts to fade… sometimes the connection fades with it.

Being wanted feels different. It’s quieter, but more real in a way I can’t ignore. It’s not about survival or filling a gap. It’s about someone choosing you when they don’t have to. Not because you’re solving a problem in their life, but because they actually want you.

Even then, I know nothing is permanent. People change. Feelings shift. That’s just life. But I think there’s something more honest about being wanted. It doesn’t trap you in a role.

It just lets you exist as yourself—and still be chosen.

And I think that’s what I’ve been trying to understand lately. What it really means to be loved in a way that doesn’t feel like obligation.

Until We Speak Again,

A Disposable Soul

If my writing has encouraged you, helped you feel less alone, or simply brightened your day, please consider supporting my work.

https://buymeacoffee.com/echoesbyk

Leave a comment below. What does it mean to you to feel needed? To feel wanted? Which do you prefer and why? Let's talk!