A Mother's Pain

A Mother's Pain

People often think that once your child becomes an adult, the worrying stops.

It doesn't.  If anything, it just changes.

When they're little, you worry about scraped knees, fevers, and whether they'll make friends at school.

When they're grown, you worry about things you can no longer protect them from.

A couple nights ago, my son called me after an incident at work. There had been an altercation with another employee. 

No punches were thrown. No physical fight broke out. 

My son did what I wish more people would do in heated situations—he walked away.  He went outside to calm down.

But the situation didn't end there.

The employee called her boyfriend, and according to what was reported, he came looking for my son and threatened to shoot him.  

Thankfully, another employee prevented my son from going back inside. 

The police were called, and no one was hurt.

For that, I am grateful.

But the fear didn't leave when the danger did.  That's the part people don't talk about.

The event ends.  The worry stays.

You replay the situation over and over in your head.  You imagine what could have happened.  You think about how differently the story could have ended.

And then your mind starts asking questions you don't want to answer.

What if he had gone back inside?

What if the other employee hadn't stopped him?

What if the police had arrived too late?

As parents, our minds are experts at creating "what ifs."  And sometimes those "what ifs" hurt more than reality itself.

What makes this situation even harder is knowing the employee still works there.

Maybe nothing will happen.  I sincerely hope nothing does. 

But fear doesn't operate on facts alone.  Fear operates on possibilities.

And when someone threatens your child, even your grown child, those possibilities become impossible to ignore.

People say that children grow up.  They move out.  They build their own lives.  They become independent.

All of that is true.

But no matter how old they get, they never stop being your baby.  You never stop wanting to protect them.  You never stop worrying about them.  You never stop feeling their pain.

That's the burden and the blessing of being a mother.  

A piece of your heart walks around outside your body every day.  And when that piece of your heart is threatened, scared, or hurt, you feel it too.

Maybe that's what motherhood really is.

Loving someone so deeply that their safety becomes tied to your peace of mind.  And sometimes, carrying fears that they may never fully understand.

I don't know what happens next.  I don't know if this situation is truly over.  I only know that tonight I'll probably check my phone a few extra times.  I'll probably worry more than I should.  And I'll definitely thank the heavens that my son came home safely.

Because sometimes a mother's greatest relief is simply hearing the words:

"I'm home."

Until We Speak Again, 

A Worried Soul

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Leave a comment below and tell me what you think. What are some things you worry about, for your child? Has something happened before? 

The Little Things Matter

The Little Things Matter

When people think about love, they often think about the big things.

The vacations. The gifts. The anniversaries. The grand romantic gestures we see in movies.

But in my experience, relationships aren't built on the big things. 

They're built on the little things. The everyday things. The things that seem so small that we often don't think twice about them.

Things like:

"How was your day?"

"How are you feeling today?"

"I'm going to the store. Do you need anything?"

"Drive safe."

"Text me when you get there."

"Did you eat today?"

Those may seem like simple questions. But they're not really questions. 

They're expressions of care. They're little reminders that someone is thinking about you. That someone notices you. That someone values your well-being.

Sometimes love looks less like roses and candlelight and more like bringing your partner a blanket because you noticed they're cold. 

Sometimes it's making them a sandwich because you know they get busy and forget to eat. 

Sometimes it's filling up their gas tank.

Sometimes it's sending a quick text just to let them know they're on your mind.

The little things say:

"I see you."

"I care about you."

"You matter to me."

And the beautiful thing is that they don't cost much. Most of them are free. They only require effort and intention.

Unfortunately, the opposite is true, too.

When the little things disappear, people notice. Not immediately. But over time.

The "How was your day?" becomes silence.

The good morning texts stop.

The check-ins become less frequent.

The thoughtfulness fades.

And eventually one partner starts feeling invisible. Not because they're unloved.

But because they no longer feel loved.

There's a difference.

Love is a feeling.

Feeling loved is an experience.

And often, it's the little things that create that experience. 

At the end of the day, I don't think most people remember every gift they've ever received. 

But they remember who showed up.

Who listened. Who checked on them. Who made them feel important. Who made them feel loved.

The little things matter.

Until We Speak Again,

An Observant Soul

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Leave a comment below. What are some of the little things that make you feel loved or appreciated?

Consideration

I think one of the most overlooked qualities in a relationship is consideration.

People talk about love. They talk about trust.

They talk about communication. But consideration is rarely mentioned, even though it's woven into all three.

So what is consideration?

To me, consideration is taking your partner's feelings, needs, limitations, and circumstances into account before making a decision or taking an action.

It's asking yourself:

"How will this affect the person I love?"

And sometimes, the smallest acts of consideration can make the biggest difference.

It's keeping the house quiet when your partner is sleeping because you know they had a long day. It's understanding that their need for rest is just as important as your desire to be awake.

It's discussing major purchases before spending large amounts of money.

Not because you need permission, but because you're a team. Your decisions affect each other.

It's not pressuring your partner to do things they're unable to do—whether physically, emotionally, financially, or mentally.

It's respecting their limitations without making them feel guilty for having them.

It's avoiding topics you know will upset them unnecessarily. 

It's paying attention when they tell you something hurts them. It's remembering what they've shared and using that information to care for them better.

Consideration says:

"I hear you."

"I see you."

"You matter to me."

The opposite of consideration isn't necessarily cruelty. 

Sometimes it's simply thoughtlessness. Sometimes people become so focused on their own wants, needs, and interests that they forget to consider how their actions affect the person standing beside them.

And that's where problems begin.

Because when someone repeatedly feels unconsidered, they begin to feel unimportant.

They begin to feel unheard. They begin to feel like their comfort, opinions, and feelings rank lower on the priority list. 

Over time, resentment starts to grow. Not because of one major event. But because of hundreds of small moments.

The loud television while they're trying to sleep. The purchase they weren't consulted about. The interrupted conversations. The repeated disregard for something they've clearly expressed.

Each moment may seem insignificant by itself. But together, they send a message.

And that message is:

"What matters to you doesn't matter as much to me."

That's a painful message to receive from someone you love.

The truth is, consideration isn't difficult.

It doesn't cost money. It doesn't require special skills.

It simply requires awareness. It requires slowing down long enough to think about another person's experience.

And honestly, I think that's one of the purest expressions of love.

Not flowers.

Not gifts.

Not fancy dates.

Just consistently showing your partner that their feelings matter.

Because when two people actively consider one another, they create something beautiful:

A relationship where both people feel valued.

A relationship where both people feel respected. A relationship where both people feel loved.

And at the end of the day, isn't that what we're all looking for? 

Until We Speak Again, 

A Thoughtful Soul

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Leave a comment below. What are your thoughts on consideration? Do you feel like it's important?  Let's talk!

Gaslighting

When You Start Questioning Your Own Reality

One of the most damaging things a person can experience in a relationship isn't yelling.

It isn't cheating. It isn't even the arguments.

It's being made to question your own reality.

That's gaslighting.

Gaslighting happens when someone repeatedly dismisses, minimizes, denies, or twists your experiences until you begin doubting yourself.

At first, it's subtle.

You bring up something that hurt your feelings. They tell you it never happened. Or they say you're remembering it wrong. Or maybe they tell you you're being too sensitive.

You let it go.

But then it happens again. And again. And again.

Eventually, something strange starts happening.

You stop trusting yourself. You begin second-guessing your memory.

You replay conversations in your head over and over trying to figure out whether you misunderstood something. You wonder if you're overreacting. You wonder if you're the problem. You wonder if you're crazy.

The worst part is that gaslighting doesn't usually destroy your confidence overnight.

It happens slowly. One doubt at a time. One dismissed feeling at a time. One rewritten conversation at a time. 

Until eventually you find yourself apologizing for things you didn't do. Explaining feelings you shouldn't have to justify. And questioning things you were once certain of.

I've learned that one of the biggest signs of gaslighting isn't confusion about the other person. It's confusion about yourself.

When you find yourself constantly thinking:

"Maybe I'm imagining things."

"Maybe it wasn't that bad."

"Maybe I'm too emotional."

"Maybe I'm the problem."

That's when it's time to stop and pay attention.

Healthy relationships don't make you question your sanity. Healthy relationships don't require you to constantly defend your emotions. Healthy relationships don't punish you for having feelings.

That doesn't mean your partner will always agree with you. They won't. And that's okay.

Disagreements are normal. Different perspectives are normal.

But there's a difference between disagreeing with someone's feelings and convincing them they shouldn't have those feelings at all.

One is communication. The other is manipulation.

The sad thing about gaslighting is that many people don't realize it's happening until they've already lost confidence in themselves.

They've spent so much time seeking validation from someone else that they've forgotten how to trust their own instincts. Their own memories. Their own emotions. Their own voice.

If any of this sounds familiar, I want you to remember something:

Your feelings are real. Your experiences matter. Your perspective deserves to be heard. And just because someone refuses to acknowledge your reality doesn't mean your reality isn't true.

One of the most important lessons I've learned is this:

Trust yourself.

Not every feeling is a fact.

Not every memory is perfect.

But if someone consistently makes you feel like your thoughts, feelings, and experiences don't matter, the problem may not be your perception.

The problem may be the way you're being treated.

And nobody deserves to live in a relationship where they have to constantly question their own reality.

Until We Speak Again,

A Confused Soul

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Leave a comment below. Do you feel like you're being gaslit by someone? A spouse or partner? A friend? Your boss? A family member? Let's talk about it.

Wanted VS Needed

Being Wanted VS Being Needed

I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between being needed and being wanted.

People act like they’re the same thing, like they both mean you matter to someone. But they don’t feel the same at all.

Being needed feels like responsibility. Like someone depends on you to hold something together—emotionally, financially, or just to function in their life. And at first, that can feel like love. Like purpose. Like you finally have a place where you matter.

But I’ve noticed something about “being needed.” It’s conditional. It depends on what you provide. What you fix. What you carry for someone else.

And when that need starts to fade… sometimes the connection fades with it.

Being wanted feels different. It’s quieter, but more real in a way I can’t ignore. It’s not about survival or filling a gap. It’s about someone choosing you when they don’t have to. Not because you’re solving a problem in their life, but because they actually want you.

Even then, I know nothing is permanent. People change. Feelings shift. That’s just life. But I think there’s something more honest about being wanted. It doesn’t trap you in a role.

It just lets you exist as yourself—and still be chosen.

And I think that’s what I’ve been trying to understand lately. What it really means to be loved in a way that doesn’t feel like obligation.

Until We Speak Again,

A Disposable Soul

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What I Need When I Go Quiet

What I Need When I Go Quiet

When I go quiet because I feel like my words don’t matter, what I need most is not to push me further into silence. 

When I go quiet, it means I’m overwhelmed—not absent.

And in those moments, what I need most isn’t pressure. It isn’t repetition. It isn’t frustration from the other person because I’m not responding the way they expect.

What I need is understanding. 

I need them to notice that something shifted in me—and care enough to pause, not escalate. I need them to understand that when I stop talking, it isn’t because I ran out of things to say. 

It’s because I don’t feel safe saying them in that moment. I need them to understand that silence isn’t defiance—it’s self-protection.

First, I need space.

Not the kind of space that feels like punishment or silence used as a weapon—but space that feels safe. 

Space that says, “I’m here when you’re ready.” Space that doesn’t demand immediate answers from a mind that’s still trying to settle.

I need them to stop and ask their self, “Did I just make her feel unheard?” instead of assuming I’m just being distant or dramatic.

I need them to give me the benefit of the doubt, not the assumption of wrongdoing.

I also need calm.

Raised voices, intensity, or pushing for a response while I’m already overwhelmed only makes it harder for me to come back into the conversation. 

It doesn’t help me open up—it makes me shut down further.

I need them to soften their tone instead of raising it. I need them to slow down instead of speeding up the conversation like we’re trying to win something. I need them to recognize that when I feel dismissed, I don’t just shut down the argument—I shut down emotionally.

I need them to say things like, “I hear you,” even if you don’t fully understand yet.

What helps most is patience.

Knowing that I don’t have to explain everything in the heat of the moment. Knowing that the conversation doesn’t have to be forced out of me before I’m ready.

Because I will come back. I always do.

I just need time to process what I’m feeling without being judged for it. I need reassurance, too.

Not pressure like “you need to talk right now,” but gentle reminders like, “We can talk when you’re ready,” or “I’m here when you want to explain.” 

That kind of response doesn’t make me feel trapped. It makes me feel safe enough to eventually open back up.

And when I do come back, I need listening. 

Not interruptions. Not corrections in the middle of my thoughts. Not the conversation being redirected away from what I’m trying to express.

Just listening.

Because part of why I go quiet in the first place is because I don’t always feel heard when I speak.

I don’t need perfection from the people I love. 

I just need emotional safety. 

I need to know that my silence won’t be used against me later.  That my triggers won’t be dismissed.  That my need to step back doesn’t make me difficult or less worthy of being understood.

I need them to reassure me that my feelings matter, even when we don’t agree. And most importantly, I need them to care more about connection than being right in that moment.

Because when I go quiet, I’m not leaving the relationship. I’m waiting for it to feel safe enough for me to come back into it.

Until We Speak Again,

A Quiet Soul

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Why I Go Quiet

Why I Go Quiet

People sometimes think silence means nothing is wrong. Or worse—they think silence means I don’t care. But that’s not always true.

Sometimes silence is actually what happens after I’ve been pushed past my emotional limit.

For me, one of my biggest triggers is being yelled at. 

Not normal disagreement. Not raised voices during excitement or conversation. 

I’m talking about yelling that feels sharp, loud, and intense enough to make my body react before my mind can even catch up. 

And when that happens, something in me shuts down.

I don’t always respond right away. I don’t always defend myself. I don’t always explain how I feel in that moment. 

Instead… I go quiet. And from the outside, it probably looks like I don’t have anything to say.

But that’s not what’s really happening.

What’s really happening is I’m trying to regulate everything inside of me at once.

I’m trying to process the present moment while my mind is also pulling me back into things I’ve experienced before. 

My body reacts like it’s in danger, even if the situation isn’t physically dangerous. 

And in that state, words don’t come out clearly. They get stuck. 

So I go silent. Not because I don’t care.

But because I care too much and I don’t trust what might come out if I speak while I’m overwhelmed. 

Silence, in those moments, is protection. It’s me trying not to make things worse. It’s me trying to hold myself together when I feel like I’m falling apart internally.

The hardest part is that people don’t always understand that silence. 

They may think I’m ignoring them. Or being stubborn. Or shutting down the relationship. 

But really, I’m just trying to survive the emotional wave hitting me in real time. And sometimes I don’t know how to explain that without feeling misunderstood anyway.

So I wait. I go quiet.

And later—when I feel safe again, when my thoughts are clear again—that’s when I can talk. 

That’s when I can explain what happened inside me. 

That’s when I can say, “When voices get raised, something in me shuts down. I need space in those moments, not pressure.”

I used to feel ashamed of that silence. Like I was broken for not reacting “normally.” But I’ve learned something important. 

Silence isn’t always avoidance. Sometimes it’s self-preservation.

And the right people—the safe people—don’t punish you for that silence. 

They try to understand it. They give you space to come back to your voice when you’re ready to use it again.

Until We Speak again,

A Quiet Soul

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Leave a comment below. You don't have to be silent here.

Intimacy vs Sex

Intimacy vs. Sex

A lot of people use the words intimacy and sex interchangeably.

I don't.

While sex can certainly be intimate, intimacy and sex are not the same thing.

Sex is physical.

Intimacy is connection.

Intimacy is knowing someone's fears, dreams, insecurities, and hopes. It's allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to let another person see the parts of you that most people never get to see.

It's trust. It's comfort. It's feeling safe.

In a romantic relationship, intimacy can absolutely lead to sex. Sometimes it starts with a deep conversation on the couch. Sometimes it's holding hands during a difficult moment. Sometimes it's lying in bed talking about your day long after the lights have gone out.

But intimacy doesn't require sex.

In fact, some of the most intimate moments I've ever experienced had nothing to do with sex at all.

Intimacy is your partner bringing you your favorite snack because they know you've had a rough day.

It's being held while you cry.

It's feeling safe enough to admit when you're scared.

It's someone remembering the little details that matter to you.

It's making a sandwich for your partner because you know they forget to eat when they're busy.

And intimacy isn't limited to romantic relationships. Friends can experience intimacy. Family members can experience intimacy.

When your best friend calls you at 2 a.m. because they're struggling and know you'll answer, that's intimacy.

When a parent comforts a child after a nightmare, that's intimacy.

When two friends share secrets they've never told anyone else, that's intimacy.

The common thread isn't sex.

The common thread is connection.

I think that's why some relationships struggle.

People focus so much on the sexual aspect of the relationship that they forget to nurture intimacy.

They stop talking. They stop listening. They stop learning about each other. They stop creating those little moments that make someone feel valued and understood. And eventually, they feel disconnected.

To me, intimacy is the foundation.

Sex may strengthen a relationship, but intimacy is what makes it feel meaningful.

Without intimacy, sex can feel empty.

Without connection, physical touch can feel hollow.

But when intimacy exists, even the smallest moments can feel special.

A hand squeeze.

A forehead kiss.

A late-night conversation.

A simple "How was your day?" followed by someone genuinely listening to the answer.

That's intimacy.

And in my opinion, it's one of the most beautiful parts of being human.

Until We Speak Again, 

An Inspiring Soul

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Triggers and Relationships

Loving Someone Means Learning Their Triggers

When we enter a relationship, we spend a lot of time learning the things our partner likes.

We learn their favorite foods, favorite movies, favorite songs, and favorite places to go.

But one of the most important things we can learn is what hurts them.

I'm talking about triggers.

We all have them. Some come from childhood. Some come from past relationships. Some come from traumatic experiences we'd rather forget.

Whether we like it or not, our past often follows us into our present relationships.

For example, I don't like being yelled at.

For someone else, yelling might just be part of an argument. 

For me, it can bring back memories of a physically abusive relationship. The moment voices get raised, my brain stops focusing on the current disagreement and starts remembering old wounds.

Another trigger for me is feeling dismissed.

When I'm trying to express my thoughts or feelings and someone cuts me off, changes the subject, or acts uninterested, it doesn't just hurt my feelings in the moment. It can make me feel unloved, unwanted, and insignificant.

Those feelings didn't appear out of nowhere. They're connected to experiences that shaped me. And that's the thing about triggers. Most of the time, they're not about what's happening right now. They're about what happened before.

I don't believe it's a partner's job to heal someone else's trauma. Healing is ultimately our own responsibility. But I do believe it's a partner's responsibility to care.

If someone you love tells you that something hurts them, listen. If they tell you that being yelled at makes them anxious, don't dismiss it. If they tell you that certain words, actions, or behaviors trigger painful memories, don't make fun of them.

Don't weaponize their vulnerabilities. Don't tell them they're being dramatic.

Listen.

Understand.

Care.

Because that's what love does. Love doesn't intentionally push on bruises. Love doesn't say, "That's your problem." 

Love says, "I may not fully understand your pain, but I don't want to add to it."

Of course, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. We're all going to accidentally trigger our partners from time to time.

The goal isn't perfection. The goal is effort.

The goal is learning each other's wounds so we can handle each other's hearts more carefully.

To me, that's one of the purest forms of love.

Not knowing someone's favorite color.

Not knowing their coffee order.

Not knowing their favorite movie.

Knowing what hurts them and choosing, every day, not to be the source of that pain.

That's love. Or at least, that's what love should be.

Until We Speak Again,

A Weary Soul

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Leave a comment below. What are some of your triggers? How do you handle them in present situations?

The Cutter Club

To The Cutter Club

If you're reading this, there's a chance you're carrying a pain that feels too heavy to hold.

Maybe you're overwhelmed. Maybe you're exhausted. Maybe you're angry, heartbroken, numb, or simply tired of pretending you're okay when you're not.

And maybe, like me, you've found yourself in what I call "The Cutter Club."

Not because it's something we're proud of. Not because it's something we want to advertise. But because we understand each other in a way many people don't.

We know what it's like to feel emotions so intensely that they seem impossible to contain. We know what it's like to look for relief when nothing else seems to work. We know what it's like to feel alone in a crowded room.

If that's you, I need you to hear something:

You are not alone.

There are more people fighting this battle than you realize. People of different ages, backgrounds, careers, and lifestyles. Many of them smile every day. Many of them seem perfectly fine on the outside. But they're fighting battles, too.

I've been there.

I've told myself I was done with it, only to find myself slipping again when life became too overwhelming. I've felt the shame afterward. The disappointment. The questions. The promises to never do it again.

And while I understand why people do it, I also need to say this:

This is not healthy.

It's not healing the wound. It's only creating another one.

The pain you're carrying deserves attention. It deserves compassion. It deserves support. And most importantly, you deserve support. You deserve someone who will listen. You deserve someone who will sit with you through the darkness. You deserve help without judgment.

I know asking for help can feel impossible. Sometimes it's easier to hide. Easier to tell yourself nobody would understand.

But someone will.

A friend.

A family member.

A therapist.

A support group.

A crisis line.

Someone.

Please don't convince yourself that your pain isn't important enough to talk about. It is.

The strongest thing I ever learned wasn't how to hide my scars. It was learning that I didn't have to carry everything by myself.

Recovery isn't always a straight line. Some days are better than others. Sometimes you take three steps forward and one step back.

But a setback doesn't erase your progress. A bad day doesn't erase your worth. And a relapse doesn't mean you've failed.

So to everyone in The Cutter Club:

I see you. I understand more than you know. I'm not judging you. But I'm asking you to keep fighting. Keep talking. Keep reaching out. Keep believing that your story isn't over.

Because the world needs you here.

And one day, the pain you're surviving today may become the very thing that helps someone else survive tomorrow.

If you need help, and would like to remain anonymous, text or call 988, the crisis hotline. Or you can text HOME to 741741. They are available 24/7 and help with many issues, including anxiety, depression, bullying, and more.

Until We Speak Again,

A Broken Soul

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Leave a comment below. Let's talk, but only if you want to.

Respawn

Life is hard.

I know that's not some groundbreaking revelation, but it's true. Between work, bills, relationships, responsibilities, heartbreak, and the million other things life throws at us, sometimes it feels like we're carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.

Sometimes we just need a break.

For some people, that break comes in the form of a good book. For others, it's music, movies, exercise, or spending time outdoors.

For me, it's gaming.

The funny thing is that people who don't play games often see them as a waste of time. They see someone sitting in front of a screen and assume they're doing nothing productive.

But for many of us, gaming isn't about wasting time. It's about escaping reality for a little while.

When I log into a game, my mortgage doesn't exist. My bills don't exist. Work doesn't exist. The arguments, the stress, the worries, the uncertainty about tomorrow—all of it gets placed on pause.

For a little while, I get to be someone else.

Maybe I'm building a city. Maybe I'm fighting zombies. Maybe I'm leading an alliance, completing quests, or exploring a world that only exists in pixels and code.

Whatever I'm doing, I'm not thinking about the things that are weighing me down in real life.

And honestly? Sometimes that's exactly what I need.

Life doesn't come with a pause button. No matter how overwhelmed we become, the responsibilities keep coming. The phone keeps ringing. The bills keep arriving. The problems don't magically disappear.

Gaming gives me something life often doesn't: a chance to breathe.

It gives me goals I can actually accomplish. Challenges I can overcome. Problems I can solve.

When life feels chaotic, games make sense.

You know the objective. You know the rules.

You know what you're working toward. And after a rough day, that can be incredibly comforting.

Of course, like anything else, moderation matters. Gaming shouldn't replace real life. It shouldn't become a way to avoid every problem or responsibility. The problems will still be there when the console turns off.

But sometimes we need a temporary escape so we can return to reality with a clearer mind.

That's what gaming has always been for me.

A reset button. A distraction. A safe place to disappear for a little while when the real world gets too loud.

And maybe that's why so many of us love it.

Because sometimes we don't need to save the world. Sometimes we just need a place to escape from it.

And then, when we're ready, we can hit "respawn" and try again tomorrow.

Until We Speak Again,

An Allied Soul

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