Random Thoughts - Freestyle #1

How can someone idolize a genuinely good person... and still be so negative and disrespectful?

Why do bad things always seem to happen to good people?

Why are the kindest people so often the ones who are mistreated? Being kind doesn't make us doormats.

Why does everyone notice your anger or your depression... but not what caused it?

Why kick someone when they're already down?

Why do people give advice they can't even follow themselves?

Why do people, driving cars with dented back bumpers, keep trying to squeeze into impossible spaces in traffic? (I know... completely random. But I think it every time I see it.)

People wonder why you don't open up.

But when you finally trust someone enough to tell them how you feel... and they throw your words back in your face...

That's why.

How can I not relive the pain of past relationships when my current partner repeats the same behaviors that hurt me before?

How can someone say, "I love you," while treating your feelings like they don't matter?

Is it worth staying?

Will they change?

Or is loving someone sometimes not enough?

Just...

Random thoughts.

Untl We Speak Again, 

A Wondering Soul

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Leave a comment below with a random thought. What do you think about at 3am? Daydreaming at your desk? Zoned out during your favorite TV show? Let's talk!

Sacrifice vs. Compromise?

Sacrifice vs. Compromise: What's the Difference?

Relationships require both.

But sacrifice and compromise aren't the same thing.

We sometimes use the words interchangeably, as if they're simply two different ways of saying, "I gave something up for my relationship."

They're not.

Sacrifice is giving something up.

Compromise is finding a middle ground.

For example, imagine someone wants to finish college, but their partner has a career that allows them to comfortably support the household. They decide together that one person will put their education on hold to become a stay-at-home parent or spouse.

That's a sacrifice.

They're giving up something they wanted in order to prioritize something else.

Maybe someone gives up a hobby or habit because the household needs to save money.

That's also a sacrifice.

They're choosing to completely give something up.

But compromise is different.

Imagine you want star-gazer lilies at your wedding. You love them, but real flowers are expensive. Instead of giving up on having them altogether, you agree to use artificial star-gazer lilies.

You still get the flowers you wanted.

Your partner gets a more affordable option.

Neither person completely loses.

That's compromise.

And I think that's an important part of relationships that sometimes gets overlooked.

Compromise doesn't necessarily mean that both people get exactly what they originally wanted. It means both people are willing to adjust something so that both people can still have a voice in the outcome.

Maybe you want to go to one restaurant and your partner wants another.

You alternate.

Maybe one person wants to spend the weekend at home while the other wants to go out.

You spend Friday night at home and Saturday night out.

Maybe one person wants to take an expensive vacation while the other wants to save money.

You find a less expensive destination.

That's compromise.

But here's where I think things can become unhealthy:

When sacrifice only goes one way.

If one partner is constantly giving up their wants, dreams, hobbies, money, time, or opportunities while the other partner rarely gives anything up, that's not a balanced relationship.

And constantly saying, "I sacrifice so much for you," doesn't automatically make someone a good partner either.

Sacrifice should be appreciated. It shouldn't become ammunition.

Your partner shouldn't constantly remind you of everything they've given up as a way to control what you do.

And compromise shouldn't mean:

"You give in, and I get my way."

That's not compromise.

That's one person getting what they want while the other person learns to accept it.

A healthy relationship needs both.

There will be times when one person makes a sacrifice for the relationship. There will be other times when the other person does.

And there will be plenty of situations where neither person has to completely give something up because they can find a middle ground.

That's the beauty of compromise.

Sacrifice says, "I'm willing to give this up for us."

Compromise says, "Let's find a way for both of us to be okay with this."

And sometimes love means sacrifice.

Sometimes love means compromise.

But love should never mean that one person is always sacrificing while the other person is always taking.

Because eventually, the person doing all the sacrificing may look around and realize something:

They didn't compromise their life.

They gave it up.

And that's a very different thing.

Until We Speak Again,

A Reflective Soul

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Leave a comment with your thoughts. What's a sacrifice you made for your relationship? How important is compromising in your relationship?  Let's talk!

When Everything Becomes About Them

When Everything Becomes About Them

There are some people who leave you feeling lighter after every conversation.

And then there are people who leave you questioning your own reality.

Whether it's a friendship, a romantic relationship, a family member, or a boss, living with someone who consistently displays narcissistic behaviors can be emotionally exhausting.

At first, they can be incredibly charming.

Confident.  Funny.  Charismatic.  They know exactly what to say to draw people in.

But over time, something begins to change.

You notice that your feelings rarely seem to matter. Your accomplishments become their accomplishments. Your struggles somehow become an inconvenience to them. Your opinions are dismissed unless they agree with them.

One of the hardest things to understand is that every conflict somehow becomes your fault.

You tell them something they said hurt your feelings.  Instead of apologizing, they explain why you shouldn't feel that way.  Or they tell you you're too sensitive.  Or they remind you of something you did six months ago.

Before you know it, you're apologizing for bringing up the issue in the first place.

Some people call this gaslighting.

Whatever label you use, the result is often the same.

You begin questioning yourself. You replay conversations in your head. You wonder if you're overreacting. You start believing your feelings need permission before they can exist.

Another painful pattern is that they often focus on your reaction while ignoring what caused it.

They'll remember the moment you raised your voice. But they won't acknowledge the weeks or months of disrespect that led to your frustration.

They'll call you emotional. But not ask why you became emotional.

They'll paint themselves as the victim while leaving out the parts of the story where their own words or actions contributed to the situation.

And that's incredibly confusing for the person on the receiving end.

Because you're not asking for perfection. You're asking for accountability.

Relationships of any kind require two people who are willing to reflect on themselves.

To admit mistakes. To apologize. To grow.

When one person refuses to acknowledge their own role in conflict, the relationship slowly becomes one-sided.

You find yourself carrying the emotional weight for both people.

Eventually, you become exhausted.  Not because you don't care.  But because you're the only one trying.

I've learned that one of the healthiest questions you can ask yourself isn't:

"How do I make them understand me?"

It's:

"Do they genuinely want to understand me?"

There's a difference.

You cannot force someone to take accountability.  You cannot love someone into changing.  You cannot communicate enough for two people.

The healthiest relationships—whether they're with a partner, a friend, a family member, or a coworker—are built on mutual respect.  Mutual accountability.  Mutual empathy.

Because relationships aren't meant to be competitions about who's right.  They're meant to be partnerships where both people care enough to ask one simple question:

"How did my actions affect you?"

If that question is never asked...

The relationship slowly stops feeling like love, friendship, or teamwork.

It starts feeling like survival.

And no relationship should leave you constantly questioning your worth, your memory, or your voice.

Healthy relationships don't require you to become smaller so someone else can feel bigger.

They make room for both people to be seen, heard, and respected.

Until We Speak Again, 

A Neglected Soul

If my writing has encouraged you, helped you feel less alone, or simply brightened your day, please consider supporting my work by clicking on the "Buy Me A Coffee" link, located on the right hand side of my page. Thank you.

Leave a comment below with your thoughts. Have you encountered someone with narcissistic behavior? A co-worker? A spouse? How did you handle it? Let's talk!