It's Okay to Choose Yourself Sometimes

It's Okay to Choose Yourself Sometimes

Are you the person who always puts everyone else first?

The one who makes sure everyone is okay before checking on yourself?

The one who says yes when you really want to say no?

The one who takes care of everyone else's needs while quietly putting your own on the back burner?

If you are, I want you to hear something:

It's okay to choose yourself sometimes.

Taking care of yourself doesn't make you

 selfish. 

It doesn't mean you don't love your family.

It doesn't mean you don't care about your partner, your children, your friends, or the people who depend on you.

It means you're human. And humans need care too.

We spend so much time making sure everyone else is happy that sometimes we forget to ask ourselves a simple question:

"What would make me happy?"

Maybe it's getting your hair or nails done.

Maybe it's trying a new hobby.

Maybe it's going to your favorite restaurant and ordering exactly what you want.

Maybe it's starting that little house project you've been thinking about.

Maybe it's taking the scenic route home just because you want to enjoy the view.

Maybe it's sitting somewhere quiet with a cup of coffee and doing absolutely nothing.

It doesn't have to be expensive. 

Sometimes self-care can be five minutes. Ten minutes. An hour. Or maybe, if you're fortunate enough to have the time, an entire day.

The amount of time isn't what matters.

Taking the time matters.

And sometimes self-care means saying no.

No, I don't want to go.

No, I don't have the energy today.

No, I can't take that on right now.

No, I need some time for myself.

And you don't always have to feel guilty for it.

You are allowed to have limits.

You are allowed to rest.

You are allowed to protect your peace.

You are allowed to do something simply because it brings you joy.

Mental health matters.

Your emotional well-being matters.

And constantly ignoring your own needs doesn't make you a better person. Sometimes it just leaves you exhausted, resentful, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained.

How can you constantly make everyone else happy when you're miserable inside?

How can you keep pouring into everyone else when your own cup is empty?

You can't always give from an empty place. That's why taking care of yourself isn't selfish.

It's maintenance.

Just like a car needs fuel to keep running, we need time to recharge too.

And sometimes we need more than a few minutes.

Sometimes we need to step away from everything.

Put the phone down.

Stop answering messages.

Stop solving everyone else's problems.

Stop worrying about what everyone needs from you.

And simply breathe.

Give yourself permission to exist without having to accomplish something.

You don't have to earn rest.

You don't have to earn happiness.

You don't have to wait until everyone else is okay before you're allowed to be okay.

And here's something else I've learned:

You shouldn't have to completely lose yourself trying to make other people happy.

The people who love you should want you to be happy too.

They should want you to have hobbies.

They should want you to have friends.

They should want you to have quiet time.

They should want you to laugh.

They should want you to have something that's just yours.

Because your happiness shouldn't be a threat to the people around you. It should be something they celebrate with you.

So if you've been putting yourself last for a long time, maybe it's time to move yourself a little closer to the front of the line. Not because everyone else suddenly matters less.

But because you matter too.

Take the drive.

Try the hobby.

Order the dessert.

Get your hair done.

Start the project.

Sit quietly with your coffee.

Say no when you need to.

Say yes to something that makes you happy.

Take five minutes. Take an hour. Take a day.

Whatever you need.

Because taking care of yourself isn't selfish.

Sometimes it's the most loving thing you can do—not only for yourself, but for the people you love.

A happier, healthier you has more of yourself to give. And maybe that's the real point of self-care.

It's not about putting yourself above everyone else. It's about remembering that you belong on your own list, too.

Until We Speak Again,

A Nurturing Soul

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Leave a comment with your thoughts. What's your self-care routine? What are your little joys of life? Let's talk!

Random Thoughts - Freestyle #1

How can someone idolize a genuinely good person... and still be so negative and disrespectful?

Why do bad things always seem to happen to good people?

Why are the kindest people so often the ones who are mistreated? Being kind doesn't make us doormats.

Why does everyone notice your anger or your depression... but not what caused it?

Why kick someone when they're already down?

Why do people give advice they can't even follow themselves?

Why do people, driving cars with dented back bumpers, keep trying to squeeze into impossible spaces in traffic? (I know... completely random. But I think it every time I see it.)

People wonder why you don't open up.

But when you finally trust someone enough to tell them how you feel... and they throw your words back in your face...

That's why.

How can I not relive the pain of past relationships when my current partner repeats the same behaviors that hurt me before?

How can someone say, "I love you," while treating your feelings like they don't matter?

Is it worth staying?

Will they change?

Or is loving someone sometimes not enough?

Just...

Random thoughts.

Untl We Speak Again, 

A Wondering Soul

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Leave a comment below with a random thought. What do you think about at 3am? Daydreaming at your desk? Zoned out during your favorite TV show? Let's talk!

Sacrifice vs. Compromise?

Sacrifice vs. Compromise: What's the Difference?

Relationships require both.

But sacrifice and compromise aren't the same thing.

We sometimes use the words interchangeably, as if they're simply two different ways of saying, "I gave something up for my relationship."

They're not.

Sacrifice is giving something up.

Compromise is finding a middle ground.

For example, imagine someone wants to finish college, but their partner has a career that allows them to comfortably support the household. They decide together that one person will put their education on hold to become a stay-at-home parent or spouse.

That's a sacrifice.

They're giving up something they wanted in order to prioritize something else.

Maybe someone gives up a hobby or habit because the household needs to save money.

That's also a sacrifice.

They're choosing to completely give something up.

But compromise is different.

Imagine you want star-gazer lilies at your wedding. You love them, but real flowers are expensive. Instead of giving up on having them altogether, you agree to use artificial star-gazer lilies.

You still get the flowers you wanted.

Your partner gets a more affordable option.

Neither person completely loses.

That's compromise.

And I think that's an important part of relationships that sometimes gets overlooked.

Compromise doesn't necessarily mean that both people get exactly what they originally wanted. It means both people are willing to adjust something so that both people can still have a voice in the outcome.

Maybe you want to go to one restaurant and your partner wants another.

You alternate.

Maybe one person wants to spend the weekend at home while the other wants to go out.

You spend Friday night at home and Saturday night out.

Maybe one person wants to take an expensive vacation while the other wants to save money.

You find a less expensive destination.

That's compromise.

But here's where I think things can become unhealthy:

When sacrifice only goes one way.

If one partner is constantly giving up their wants, dreams, hobbies, money, time, or opportunities while the other partner rarely gives anything up, that's not a balanced relationship.

And constantly saying, "I sacrifice so much for you," doesn't automatically make someone a good partner either.

Sacrifice should be appreciated. It shouldn't become ammunition.

Your partner shouldn't constantly remind you of everything they've given up as a way to control what you do.

And compromise shouldn't mean:

"You give in, and I get my way."

That's not compromise.

That's one person getting what they want while the other person learns to accept it.

A healthy relationship needs both.

There will be times when one person makes a sacrifice for the relationship. There will be other times when the other person does.

And there will be plenty of situations where neither person has to completely give something up because they can find a middle ground.

That's the beauty of compromise.

Sacrifice says, "I'm willing to give this up for us."

Compromise says, "Let's find a way for both of us to be okay with this."

And sometimes love means sacrifice.

Sometimes love means compromise.

But love should never mean that one person is always sacrificing while the other person is always taking.

Because eventually, the person doing all the sacrificing may look around and realize something:

They didn't compromise their life.

They gave it up.

And that's a very different thing.

Until We Speak Again,

A Reflective Soul

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Leave a comment with your thoughts. What's a sacrifice you made for your relationship? How important is compromising in your relationship?  Let's talk!