When You Don't Feel Safe Talking To Your Partner

When You Don't Feel Safe Talking to Your Partner

When people hear the words "I don't feel safe talking to my partner," many assume it means physical abuse.

Sometimes it does.

But sometimes...

It means something else entirely.

Sometimes it means you're afraid that every conversation will become an argument.

That every concern will be met with defensiveness.

That your feelings will be dismissed before you've even finished explaining them.

That your words will be interrupted, twisted, or thrown back at you later.

So you stop talking.  

Not because you've stopped caring.  Not because you've run out of things to say.

Because you've started protecting your peace.

You choose silence over another exhausting argument.  You stay in another room.  You wait until they're asleep before you cry.  You tell yourself, "It's not worth bringing up."

Little by little, your home begins to feel less like a place of comfort and more like a place where you're constantly managing conflict before it even starts.

That's a lonely feeling.

Feeling emotionally safe doesn't mean your partner always agrees with you. 

It means you trust that you can bring up difficult subjects without being belittled, mocked, or punished for having feelings.

There should always be a mutual respect, even in disagreements. 

Til We Speak Again, 

A Lonely Soul

If my writing has encouraged you, helped you feel less alone, or simply brightened your day, please consider supporting my work by clicking on the "Buy Me A Coffee" link, located on the right hand side of my page. Thank you.

Leave a comment with your thoughts. Do you feel emotionally safe in your relationship? Or are you always walking on eggshells? Let's talk!

Avoiding Conflicts

Sometimes, avoiding conflict isn't about avoiding the conversation. It's about trying to prevent a conversation from becoming an argument.

Most of us have had moments where something or someone irritated us. Maybe not enough to start a fight, but enough that we needed a little time to process it.

So we stay quiet.

Not because we don't care.

Not because we're giving the silent treatment.

But because we're trying to calm ourselves down before we say something we'll regret.

Unfortunately, some people mistake silence for an invitation.

They keep asking.  They keep pushing.

"What's wrong?"

"Are you mad?"

"Just tell me."

"You're always mad good for no reason."

You politely say, "I don't want to argue."  But they don't stop.

Eventually, they push one button too many.

Then you finally react.

Suddenly, you're the problem.

They remember your reaction...

Not the twenty minutes they spent ignoring your request for space.

Here's My Story

The other day was like any other day. Only this time, my partner wanted me to bring him some goodies, to his job, to share with his coworkers. 

I was slightly irritated, but let it go. It was just one time, right? 

We talked, later that night, about the amount of goodies we were going through a week and how much it was costing us. 

We were going to slow down. Or so I thought. 

I even said "don't make this a regular thing." 

We were trying to save money for things needed around the house and other things. 

A second car. Furniture. Clothes. Knick snacks. A possible vacation.

The next day, same thing. 

So, I took him some goodies anyways.

I didn't want to argue about it, with him being at work. But when I arrived, he saw that I was not happy about this. 

We had just discussed this, t he night before.

And when I voiced that to him, he said something along the lines of "I didn't say that. I don't mind how much we go through." 

He twists things to fit his narrative or what he wants to do. 

Then later, when I picked him up from work, he notices that I'm still irritated over the issue. 

But I was quiet. And instead of just giving me space, he starts an argument about it.  

Even when I said we need it for bills, he said I was supposed to take care of it. But how can I when he's spending more than the norm?

But even when I told him multiple times that I don't wanna agrue, he keeps going.

Of course, that pissed me off more. 

And instead of trying to understand what I was telling him...that bills and house should be top priority...he expects me to handle all the bills with the limited money he gives me, along with our habits. 

That's not right.

Granted, he recently got a new job that pays more. But, we can't save money if he's spending more than normal.

Why am I so mad over something this small?

From the outside, it probably seems like I'm upset over goodies. 

I'm not. 

I'm upset because we made a plan together, and it felt like that plan no longer mattered. I'm upset because our priorities suddenly changed without a conversation. And I'm upset because instead of trying to understand why I was frustrated, the focus became my reaction instead of the reason behind it. 

Sometimes the argument isn't really about what's on the surface.

It's about feeling unheard.

It's about broken agreements.

It's about respect.

It's about wanting your partner to stop long enough to ask, 'Help me understand.'

Conflict isn't always unavoidable.

Sometimes it's created by refusing to listen when someone is asking for peace.

Until We Speak Again, 

A Exhausted Soul

If my writing has encouraged you, helped you feel less alone, or simply brightened your day, please consider supporting my work by clicking on the "Buy Me A Coffee" link, located on the right hand side of my page. Thank you.

Leave a comment with your thoughts below. Do you avoid conflicts because you're misunderstood? Need a place to vent? Let's talk!

It's Okay to Choose Yourself Sometimes

It's Okay to Choose Yourself Sometimes

Are you the person who always puts everyone else first?

The one who makes sure everyone is okay before checking on yourself?

The one who says yes when you really want to say no?

The one who takes care of everyone else's needs while quietly putting your own on the back burner?

If you are, I want you to hear something:

It's okay to choose yourself sometimes.

Taking care of yourself doesn't make you

 selfish. 

It doesn't mean you don't love your family.

It doesn't mean you don't care about your partner, your children, your friends, or the people who depend on you.

It means you're human. And humans need care too.

We spend so much time making sure everyone else is happy that sometimes we forget to ask ourselves a simple question:

"What would make me happy?"

Maybe it's getting your hair or nails done.

Maybe it's trying a new hobby.

Maybe it's going to your favorite restaurant and ordering exactly what you want.

Maybe it's starting that little house project you've been thinking about.

Maybe it's taking the scenic route home just because you want to enjoy the view.

Maybe it's sitting somewhere quiet with a cup of coffee and doing absolutely nothing.

It doesn't have to be expensive. 

Sometimes self-care can be five minutes. Ten minutes. An hour. Or maybe, if you're fortunate enough to have the time, an entire day.

The amount of time isn't what matters.

Taking the time matters.

And sometimes self-care means saying no.

No, I don't want to go.

No, I don't have the energy today.

No, I can't take that on right now.

No, I need some time for myself.

And you don't always have to feel guilty for it.

You are allowed to have limits.

You are allowed to rest.

You are allowed to protect your peace.

You are allowed to do something simply because it brings you joy.

Mental health matters.

Your emotional well-being matters.

And constantly ignoring your own needs doesn't make you a better person. Sometimes it just leaves you exhausted, resentful, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained.

How can you constantly make everyone else happy when you're miserable inside?

How can you keep pouring into everyone else when your own cup is empty?

You can't always give from an empty place. That's why taking care of yourself isn't selfish.

It's maintenance.

Just like a car needs fuel to keep running, we need time to recharge too.

And sometimes we need more than a few minutes.

Sometimes we need to step away from everything.

Put the phone down.

Stop answering messages.

Stop solving everyone else's problems.

Stop worrying about what everyone needs from you.

And simply breathe.

Give yourself permission to exist without having to accomplish something.

You don't have to earn rest.

You don't have to earn happiness.

You don't have to wait until everyone else is okay before you're allowed to be okay.

And here's something else I've learned:

You shouldn't have to completely lose yourself trying to make other people happy.

The people who love you should want you to be happy too.

They should want you to have hobbies.

They should want you to have friends.

They should want you to have quiet time.

They should want you to laugh.

They should want you to have something that's just yours.

Because your happiness shouldn't be a threat to the people around you. It should be something they celebrate with you.

So if you've been putting yourself last for a long time, maybe it's time to move yourself a little closer to the front of the line. Not because everyone else suddenly matters less.

But because you matter too.

Take the drive.

Try the hobby.

Order the dessert.

Get your hair done.

Start the project.

Sit quietly with your coffee.

Say no when you need to.

Say yes to something that makes you happy.

Take five minutes. Take an hour. Take a day.

Whatever you need.

Because taking care of yourself isn't selfish.

Sometimes it's the most loving thing you can do—not only for yourself, but for the people you love.

A happier, healthier you has more of yourself to give. And maybe that's the real point of self-care.

It's not about putting yourself above everyone else. It's about remembering that you belong on your own list, too.

Until We Speak Again,

A Nurturing Soul

If my writing has encouraged you, helped you feel less alone, or simply brightened your day, please consider supporting my work by clicking on the "Buy Me A Coffee" link, located on the right hand side of my page. Thank you.

Leave a comment with your thoughts. What's your self-care routine? What are your little joys of life? Let's talk!