I've been to countless, beautiful weddings, heard countless 'when you know, you know' or 'your time will come', and have even practiced saying my wedding vows in the mirror. But here I am, 41 years old, and never been married.
There are many views on what a marriage is and how it should be. There are many reasons why people get married; love, children, security. Why did you get married? Is it anything you imagined? Are you happy? Do you regret it?
I've met some wonderful people and felt some pretty intense emotions on my love journey, but we just didn't have that "mmph". Something was missing....that spark or sense of certainty. It didn't feel like a forever thing. I was close though...so close I could taste it. I was, or thought I was, in love with this beautiful man. He showed me the love I never knew existed and was a complete gentleman. For 3 years, I thought he was my forever...that we were endgame. Then, out of nowhere, at the height of Covid, in 2020, he ends it...shattering my heart into a million pieces. He said he wanted a baby, and my tubes are tied. Knowing I couldn't give him what he wanted, my world went dark for a while, but I never gave up on love.
What do I think being married would be like? When I envision my married life, I see love. I say love first because it's the most important part of the marriage. I also see struggle, intimacy, pain, confusion, happiness, compromise, sacrifice...I know it's not all "cupcakes and rainbows", as someone used to tell me. Just like any other relationship, we'll make our happiest memories together, but also have heated discussions; some will linger longer than they should, and some won't be resolved overnight. That's part of any relationship.
To me, being married means considering your person's feelings in most decisions; buying/renting a house or car, having a baby, financials, where to spend holidays, birthdays, etc.,... It's trusting someone to be open and vulnerable with; confiding in that person. It's making a sandwich for your person because you know they forget to eat when they get too busy or when your person holds you when you're having a bad day. It’s knowing no matter what, you have each others backs. It's taking on each others issues and solving them together. It takes communication, honesty, and trust. Most importantly, love. Without any of these, I believe a marriage cannot last.
But, what do I know? I can only imagine what my married life would be like. Until then, I'll keep living my life, loving fully, and believing when it's meant to be, it will be.
Until We Speak Again,
A Loving Soul
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Leave a comment below. What are your thoughts on marriage?
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