Triggers and Relationships

Loving Someone Means Learning Their Triggers

When we enter a relationship, we spend a lot of time learning the things our partner likes.

We learn their favorite foods, favorite movies, favorite songs, and favorite places to go.

But one of the most important things we can learn is what hurts them.

I'm talking about triggers.

We all have them. Some come from childhood. Some come from past relationships. Some come from traumatic experiences we'd rather forget.

Whether we like it or not, our past often follows us into our present relationships.

For example, I don't like being yelled at.

For someone else, yelling might just be part of an argument. 

For me, it can bring back memories of a physically abusive relationship. The moment voices get raised, my brain stops focusing on the current disagreement and starts remembering old wounds.

Another trigger for me is feeling dismissed.

When I'm trying to express my thoughts or feelings and someone cuts me off, changes the subject, or acts uninterested, it doesn't just hurt my feelings in the moment. It can make me feel unloved, unwanted, and insignificant.

Those feelings didn't appear out of nowhere. They're connected to experiences that shaped me. And that's the thing about triggers. Most of the time, they're not about what's happening right now. They're about what happened before.

I don't believe it's a partner's job to heal someone else's trauma. Healing is ultimately our own responsibility. But I do believe it's a partner's responsibility to care.

If someone you love tells you that something hurts them, listen. If they tell you that being yelled at makes them anxious, don't dismiss it. If they tell you that certain words, actions, or behaviors trigger painful memories, don't make fun of them.

Don't weaponize their vulnerabilities. Don't tell them they're being dramatic.

Listen.

Understand.

Care.

Because that's what love does. Love doesn't intentionally push on bruises. Love doesn't say, "That's your problem." 

Love says, "I may not fully understand your pain, but I don't want to add to it."

Of course, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. We're all going to accidentally trigger our partners from time to time.

The goal isn't perfection. The goal is effort.

The goal is learning each other's wounds so we can handle each other's hearts more carefully.

To me, that's one of the purest forms of love.

Not knowing someone's favorite color.

Not knowing their coffee order.

Not knowing their favorite movie.

Knowing what hurts them and choosing, every day, not to be the source of that pain.

That's love. Or at least, that's what love should be.

Until We Speak Again,

A Weary Soul

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Leave a comment below. What are some of your triggers? How do you handle them in present situations?

The Cutter Club

To The Cutter Club

If you're reading this, there's a chance you're carrying a pain that feels too heavy to hold.

Maybe you're overwhelmed. Maybe you're exhausted. Maybe you're angry, heartbroken, numb, or simply tired of pretending you're okay when you're not.

And maybe, like me, you've found yourself in what I call "The Cutter Club."

Not because it's something we're proud of. Not because it's something we want to advertise. But because we understand each other in a way many people don't.

We know what it's like to feel emotions so intensely that they seem impossible to contain. We know what it's like to look for relief when nothing else seems to work. We know what it's like to feel alone in a crowded room.

If that's you, I need you to hear something:

You are not alone.

There are more people fighting this battle than you realize. People of different ages, backgrounds, careers, and lifestyles. Many of them smile every day. Many of them seem perfectly fine on the outside. But they're fighting battles, too.

I've been there.

I've told myself I was done with it, only to find myself slipping again when life became too overwhelming. I've felt the shame afterward. The disappointment. The questions. The promises to never do it again.

And while I understand why people do it, I also need to say this:

This is not healthy.

It's not healing the wound. It's only creating another one.

The pain you're carrying deserves attention. It deserves compassion. It deserves support. And most importantly, you deserve support. You deserve someone who will listen. You deserve someone who will sit with you through the darkness. You deserve help without judgment.

I know asking for help can feel impossible. Sometimes it's easier to hide. Easier to tell yourself nobody would understand.

But someone will.

A friend.

A family member.

A therapist.

A support group.

A crisis line.

Someone.

Please don't convince yourself that your pain isn't important enough to talk about. It is.

The strongest thing I ever learned wasn't how to hide my scars. It was learning that I didn't have to carry everything by myself.

Recovery isn't always a straight line. Some days are better than others. Sometimes you take three steps forward and one step back.

But a setback doesn't erase your progress. A bad day doesn't erase your worth. And a relapse doesn't mean you've failed.

So to everyone in The Cutter Club:

I see you. I understand more than you know. I'm not judging you. But I'm asking you to keep fighting. Keep talking. Keep reaching out. Keep believing that your story isn't over.

Because the world needs you here.

And one day, the pain you're surviving today may become the very thing that helps someone else survive tomorrow.

If you need help, and would like to remain anonymous, text or call 988, the crisis hotline. Or you can text HOME to 741741. They are available 24/7 and help with many issues, including anxiety, depression, bullying, and more.

Until We Speak Again,

A Broken Soul

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Leave a comment below. Let's talk, but only if you want to.

Respawn

Life is hard.

I know that's not some groundbreaking revelation, but it's true. Between work, bills, relationships, responsibilities, heartbreak, and the million other things life throws at us, sometimes it feels like we're carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.

Sometimes we just need a break.

For some people, that break comes in the form of a good book. For others, it's music, movies, exercise, or spending time outdoors.

For me, it's gaming.

The funny thing is that people who don't play games often see them as a waste of time. They see someone sitting in front of a screen and assume they're doing nothing productive.

But for many of us, gaming isn't about wasting time. It's about escaping reality for a little while.

When I log into a game, my mortgage doesn't exist. My bills don't exist. Work doesn't exist. The arguments, the stress, the worries, the uncertainty about tomorrow—all of it gets placed on pause.

For a little while, I get to be someone else.

Maybe I'm building a city. Maybe I'm fighting zombies. Maybe I'm leading an alliance, completing quests, or exploring a world that only exists in pixels and code.

Whatever I'm doing, I'm not thinking about the things that are weighing me down in real life.

And honestly? Sometimes that's exactly what I need.

Life doesn't come with a pause button. No matter how overwhelmed we become, the responsibilities keep coming. The phone keeps ringing. The bills keep arriving. The problems don't magically disappear.

Gaming gives me something life often doesn't: a chance to breathe.

It gives me goals I can actually accomplish. Challenges I can overcome. Problems I can solve.

When life feels chaotic, games make sense.

You know the objective. You know the rules.

You know what you're working toward. And after a rough day, that can be incredibly comforting.

Of course, like anything else, moderation matters. Gaming shouldn't replace real life. It shouldn't become a way to avoid every problem or responsibility. The problems will still be there when the console turns off.

But sometimes we need a temporary escape so we can return to reality with a clearer mind.

That's what gaming has always been for me.

A reset button. A distraction. A safe place to disappear for a little while when the real world gets too loud.

And maybe that's why so many of us love it.

Because sometimes we don't need to save the world. Sometimes we just need a place to escape from it.

And then, when we're ready, we can hit "respawn" and try again tomorrow.

Until We Speak Again,

An Allied Soul

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Leave a comment below. Are you a misunderstood gamer? Let's talk!